Sunday, July 6, 2008


Today, my complaint is about sheep.
They are pompous animals. Think they're all bad 'n' stuff cuz they grow ridiculous amounts of hair. Outrageous amounts of hair, really. Who needs that much fuzz?
And when they get fully furry, they just waddle around like cotton balls with legs - and made of wool. Not cotton. I'd be more respectful if they were made of cotton. At least that stuff is useful.
I don't mean to start any arguments here. Sheep aren't like penguins, with their own movie that actually makes them look smart. That's the only reason people like penguins, anyway. They are truly evil creatures. But back to sheep...
Sheep are stupid, and serve no purpose other than to grow non-synthetic fibers that is just as itchy as synthetic, if not more, and to be both soul partner and source of income for most of Tennessee.
They even have a song! Here's my song:
Bah! Bah! Dumb sheep - Make me a shirt.
Catchy, isn't it?

If you see a sheep, don't try to hit it with anything smaller than a Ford F-150 (the old ones.) God may have made them stupid, but he gave them protection. That fur acts as a cushion against blows, and in cases of extreme gravitation pull when they are led off of a cliff by a person with a well-trained sheepdog, a parachute. Unless you've got the time to shave every one of them, we need a plan. Wallace, of Wallace & Grommit Fame, had a brilliant machine for this very thing. We can't wait until the next shaving season to start this war, people. The Genocide of Sheep commences today!
And if you doubt me, look into the eyes of the evil animal with the "No" sign over it above. Can't you just see the plotting? CAN'T YOU?